Self-Driving Car Startup Lays off Additional 30% After Reports Cars Actually Driven by Sweaty Humans
CEO: "We're talking about a single, faulty vehicle with defective hydraulic pumps that created the illusion of a sweaty human in the driver’s seat. Our cars are completely autonomous."
Inspired by Cruise slashes 24% of self-driving car workforce in sweeping layoffs by Kirsten Korosec on Techcrunch
December 21st, 2023:
Cruise, the once-celebrated self-driving car pioneer, has found itself in a peculiar predicament. Following the uproarious revelations last week, where it was discovered that their "autonomous" vehicles were actually just regular cars piloted by drivers in car seat costumes, the company has announced a drastic 30% reduction in its workforce in addition to the 24% announced just a week ago.
The ruse, which came to light after a particularly sweaty driver in a car seat suit was spotted desperately trying to navigate through a Taco Bell drive-thru, has sent shockwaves through the industry. Witnesses report being both baffled and amused as the driver, in full car seat regalia, attempted to order a Chalupa without revealing his human form.
In a statement that could have been more apologetic, Cruise CEO Carl Fenderbender vehemently denied systemic deception, asserting, "This is a classic case of vehicular misidentification. We're talking about a single, faulty vehicle with defective hydraulic pumps that created the illusion of a sweaty human in the driver’s seat. Our other cars are as robotic as they come!"
The layoffs, while unfortunate, are said to be part of a broader plan to slash costs and focus the company improving its technology. Industry experts are divided on whether this marks the end of an era of whimsical deception or just a speed bump on the road to true automation.