6 Ways Our Families Will Turn the Holidays into a Season of Misadventures
Here are all the things you have to look forward to this holiday season.
These are all going to happen to you between now and January 1st, 2024 so buckle up!
The Great Divorce Declaration: Just as the turkey was being carved, Mom and Dad stood up, clinked their glasses, and announced their divorce in a Broadway-style musical number. The choreography was impressive, but the timing? Let's just say it made the turkey taste a bit more... bittersweet.
Eggnog-geddon: Little cousin Timmy, mistaking the eggnog for milk, chugged a pint like it was a sports drink at halftime. Fast forward thirty minutes, and he's re-decorated the Christmas tree stand with his stomach contents. It was a festive, yet fragrant, twist on tree ornaments.
Dog vs. Butterball: Our family dog, a beagle with the appetite of a wolf, saw the 30lb Butterball turkey as a personal challenge. In a record-breaking 15 minutes, the turkey was history. The dog? He's fine but now responds only to "Sir Eats-a-Lot."
Butterball vs. Dog: In a bizarre twist, the backup Butterball turkey (this was not Sir Eats-a-Lot’s first rodeo), through some freak genetic modification, came to life and consumed the 50lb dog. We're still not sure how it happened, but it's safe to say vegetarianism is looking a lot more appealing.
Grandma's New Boyfriend, the Elvis Impersonator: Grandma introduced her new beau at Christmas dinner. He's an Elvis impersonator, sideburns and all. Dinner was less about the food and more about impromptu renditions of "Blue Christmas." He's charming, but our ears are still ringing.
The Drone-Lit Christmas Tree: Trying to be cutting edge, Uncle Joe used drones instead of traditional lights for the tree. It was a majestic sight until the drones malfunctioned and started a choreographed air battle in the living room. We're now banned from drone usage in city limits.
While our families might not always get it right, these holiday misadventures certainly make for unforgettable stories and a few hearty laughs in hindsight. Here's to hoping next year's festivities are slightly less eventful, or at least, only eventful in the best ways! 🎄🎉